I am here, and by “here” I mean writing this (blinking through a haze of drugs and a scalpel-agitated brain, fingers occasionally missing the keyboard), but mostly, by “here,” I mean “alive.”
I am not alive because of my personality. I am here for many reasons, and most of them arise from uncanny luck: I live in close proximity to the world’s best healthcare and every resource is available to me. I am fed, clothed, clean, sheltered, and that is just astounding luck. Having these things makes me a statistical anomaly – the vast majority of the world is denied it. It’s both indisputable and astonishing that I’m alive because I’m lucky enough to have these needs met. But that’s not the beginning, the end, or the middle of it.
No, I am here most of all because of you.
It is not courage that brought me here. My character has nothing to do with it. Every beautiful breath that fills my lungs is drawn from what others give me every single day. No matter how peripheral your role in my life seems to be, if you’re reading this, then you’re part of my fabric. I’m still here because you are. I’m still here because of the good jiu-jiu you sent me, the prayer you said for me, the love you expressed in that text message, email, phone call. I’m here because of that bouquet of flowers, that photograph you took for me, that flower you planted, the song you sent me. I am here, alive and writing, for so many reasons. I’m here because I have the outlandish fortune of living in southern Ontario in 2013, because my youth and relative health make me robust, but mostly I am here because of love.
It is so easy to feel impotent, powerless, invisible. You’re not. I am alive, and will continue to be, because of your love. I encourage you to express it often, love, to whomever you feel it for, even if it feels weird, even if it feels inappropriate, even if it seems useless or unreciprocated. There is no need for grand language, no need to fear sounding cheesy. Spread your light, your energy, your prayers, your mojo, your nondenominational good wishes, your smile. Love, baby, love. In the end, it’s the reason we all breathe.
I am alive today. Thank you – you – for that.
be11a1oma 